Well, you should see how misty I make my shower panel
And I don't have to try too hard at getting dry
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel
I scrub masel to pieces when I wake up every day
When I fart it melts the creases on my towel right away
I'm smooth enough to swim the Bristol Channel
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel
Oh, I love gon ootside feeling clean
After rubbing myself down with germolene
It's unusual I know
But I love to have a glow
Making my grand entrance oh
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel
My deodorant can even make my cat hiccup
And with my gel making my hair stick up
People don't turn up their noses
My burps all smell of roses
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel