It's Turned Out Shite Again

by George Flambe

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released April 9, 2017



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George Flambe Edinburgh, UK

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Track Name: Do You Agree With The Lady On The Gangway?
Man at the back with the navy blue hat
Woman in the middle in pink
Person wearing the grey anorak
What do you creatures think?

Do you agree with the lady on the gangway?
I think we must discuss her pertinent points
Should pop stars have a view if they are called Kanye?
Does the panel think The Carpenters smoked joints?

You there, sir, with bright green hair
What is your opinion?
Capital punishment, do you care?
Death shall have no dominion


And what about those straight bananas?
You there with the dog
Whose that in top hat and pyjamas?
William Rees Mogg
Track Name: I'm Hanging From A Lampost
I'm hanging from the lampost at the corner of our street
I'm your friendly nazi neighborhood spy
Oh me, oh my
I'm better than cctv or Wifi

I'm a funky little fascist
I was on the BNP list
But now they've hung me out to dry
Oh me, oh my
It would bring a tear to a jap's eye

If only I had been around when there was Trump and Brexit
Or a secret dossier - I'd know how to sex it up
I'd have a field day and a field marshall's breakfast
As a correspondent for the Daily Mail or Daily Express

I'm hanging from the lampost at the corner of our street
I'm your friendly nazi neighborhood spy

I'm hanging from a lampost
Have a swing,
Grab hold me ankles
I'm your friendly nazi neighborhood spy
Track Name: I've Got A Right Big Bastard Of A Flannel
Well, you should see how misty I make my shower panel
And I don't have to try too hard at getting dry
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel
I scrub masel to pieces when I wake up every day
When I fart it melts the creases on my towel right away
I'm smooth enough to swim the Bristol Channel
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel

Oh, I love gon ootside feeling clean
After rubbing myself down with germolene
It's unusual I know
But I love to have a glow
Making my grand entrance oh
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel

My deodorant can even make my cat hiccup
And with my gel making my hair stick up
People don't turn up their noses
My burps all smell of roses
I've got a right big bastard of a flannel
Track Name: When I'm Rebooting Windows
I've got meself a brand new job
Down at our local cop shop
Working in the IT department

I fix the PCs' PCs
Rid them of viral disease
Make them politically correct
Yes I make the PCs' PCs PC
Flush the ram and memory
It's political corectness gone met

But I also get computers
Wrapped in plastic bags
Evidence from perverts and crime scenes

I have to look inside you see
It makes your flesh creep, dearie me
You should see what I can see
When I'm rebooting Windows

Lots of porn, lots of wee
Not the game console, oh dear
You should see what I can see
When I'm rebooting Windows

There's some whose on the dark web
And some who're in the deep
And some who fantasise over
Webbed fingers and feet
If you know your history
Don't show it to your granny
Oh you should see what I can see
When I'm rebooting Windows

Hard drives full of muck and bile
Talk about X files
Oh you should see what I can see
When I'm rebooting Windows
Track Name: With My Little Schtick Of Post-Punk Rock
Every now and then you'll see in the zeitgeist,
the post punk revival come around.
I don't care if I can't play guitar, my uke is more profund.
See me chop like the Gang Of Four, or be discordant like The Fall.
With my little schtick of Post Punk Rock, across the internet I stroll.
It may be tacky but I never complain, it's nice to have a nibble at it now and again
Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock.

One afternoon a punter wrote on his blog
Saying that The Pop Group - constituted prog
So I jumped in to say they could be a bit of a slog
With my little schtick of Post Punk Rock

With my little schtick of Post Punk Rock,
Along the internet I stroll,
Not everyone knows who The Monochrome Set is
Do the Human League belong before they got coquettish
Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock.

Simon Reynolds set the retro ball on its way
And pretty soon you'd hear the cry, I love Josef K
All the jaggy guitars came out to play
My little schtick of Post Punk Rock.

With my little schtick of Post Punk Rock,
Along the internet I stroll
In the forums I went scrolling each night
No wonder no girl ever stuck to me tight

Every day wherever I stray the kids all round me flock.
A fellow took my photograph it cost one and two.
I said " Can't you make me look more like 23 Skidoo?"
"You've properly mucked it up the only thing I can do is
My little schtick of Post Punk Rock. "
Track Name: Ukelele Delay
Ukelele delay
Crank up the reverb, make it sing
Ukelele delay
Strum accross my banjo string
Until the break of day
We can make George Flambe swing
Ukelele delay
I'm shameless, sorry Bob Dylan

Can't wait for the end of this ukelele phase
At least I didn't cover Leonard Cohen
It could have been worse, I could have played double bass
Or blown my own trombone
Track Name: War Ukelele
Ooh what a pickle we're in missus
A fool in the White House, a fool in north Korea
We're even having to march for science
These tiny leaders might not be giants
I see white shadows under a mushroom
I see blood in the shaving mirror
Time and time and time again
Meanwhile the Mail wants to crush the saboteurs
If you want a protest song don't look to Olly Murs
There's a parcel of rogues being done for electoral fraud
And not a single one prepared to fall on their sword
I want to be still beside you - quiet and still beside you
Listening to your breathing and feeling your warmth again

War ukelele
War ukelele - this uke kills fascists baby
I'm scared, so scared
I've only got four strings
I feel I should be doing more important things

I don't think I could stand another general election
All this stabbing and wounding - only to get the Tories back
They just want to batter you to your feet and knees and elbows
You feeling strong and stable? You want chaos instead?
Corresponding disasters every night on the TV
Sickening reality keeps gripping me in its guts
All my friends talk and joke and laugh about Armageddon
But like a nightmare it's still waiting there at the end of every day

War ukelele... etc.

I don't think I could stand another ten years of this fighting
Do you remember the 1990s - it seemed compassion was on the way
We thought we'd done with dictators and someone would care
But all we ended up with was Tony Blair
And ever since we've been going down the drain
Equality seems impossible, the future is insane
We're on a war footing, Corbyn sings freedom for Tooting
A little beardy man, all wrinkles and bulging eyes

War ukelele.. etc.
2-4-6-8 Ukelele
Sing if you're glad to be George Flambe
Track Name: Tommy Sheppard
Tommy Sheppard SNP
He used to give me gigs
But now he hangs round that Westminster crowd
Kicking the Tories in the dick

He used to be in Labour
But now they're dead of course
So haud yer wheesht, make Edinburgh East
The land of Salt n Sauce

So let us get him back to Whitehall
In the Houses of Parliament
Theresa May contain nuts, Boris Johnson's a klutz
And we all know what rhymes with Jeremy Hunt
Track Name: Mayday Medley
The Conservative Unionist Negotiating Team are all over this
So send in the CUNTS
Useless on Brexit

Ooh you made me live
Never mind the magic money tree
It's you, the DUP
Ooh you saved my skin now honey
Ooh you made me live...

Ooh you're the best friends that I ever had
I'll be with you for a long time
We'll walk in the sunshine and I want you to know
That I can play the flute
And bang a drum too
Terrorist friend

Oh she's learned a brand new melody
On the House Of Commons floor
It's the one she learned from Ian Paisley
The tache Michael White wore

Looking over the cliffs of Dover
A giant Theresa May
Flicking the Vs at them overseas
Keeping Johnny Foreigner away

A Wicker May, A Wicker May...
Oh God. Oh Jesus Christ.

Between Boris and Donald Trump
Between a clown and a cunt
All of the arms that have been sold
To Saudis for a pot of gold

Keep the receipt
Make a spreadsheet
Vote with your feet
Through fields of wheat

Theresa May Is a shitebag
She won't debate on TV
She might as well have a white flag
Get into the sea

You talk shite, hen...

Reasons to hate Tories one two three

Strong and stable, strong and stable
I'm your mum, I'm your mum
Let me sell your health care, let me sell your health care,
Don't live long, don't live long

Theresa May is a shitebag...